Much to my chagrin, i'm having to work with Marge, the accounts lady from hell

Incidently, Marge is a smoker
Well, not really a 'smoker' as such, it's more like; she lights up a ciggy, takes one hoover sized puff and it's all gone : yes really !

Less than a minute later and her nicotine fix is ... euhh... well .. fixed

Anyhow, i'm smack bang in the middle of hastling my bad debt clients and am doing my best to alert the buggers that we need paying.

I generally scan the whole file, send it by e-mail then phone the Shylock who holds the purse strings

Marge is pas du tout d'accord with this way of doing things : she finds it toooooooooooooo slow : 'I'll phone 'em, tell 'em to pay up or else'

As avowedly undiplomatic and non psychologique as she admits to being, she just can't get her head around the idea, that if we manage to get the dosh in without getting peoples' backs up, we just might be able to get the bills paid and retain the client

Sparks is a flyin'

And i really must find a new job

Burger wars
Ever felt cheated ?

10 questions

What's your favorite film ? - If i were stranded on a desert island with my collection of dvd's, it would have to be 'The Wings of desire' (which is a bit obvious) ... but then it could also be 'Amélie Poulin', 'Paris Texas', 'American beauty' or even 'Fight club'

Which character would you be in the film ? - Probably the main character from Wings of desire, for lot's of reasons

Your favorite photographer ? - Henry Clark

The first meal you can cook ? - From scratch ? I'd say pasta !! But my fave would be an old fashioned roast piece of 'something' with a heap of vegetables

What makes you notice a woman ?- Probably her laugh .. but physically i'd say the eyes, face, ...legs ....

Which famous/infamous people would you have for dinner ? - Keith Richards !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i doubt if i'd be alive to tell the tale the next day

Which historical event would you have stopped /changed if you coul ? -euhhh .. the assasination of Archduke Ferdinand

What do you dislike most in others/yourself - In others .. probably their lack of honesty or of being frank. As for me, well, my own weaknesess

Who/what has been most inspirational in your life ? - I'm not sure if 'inspired' would be the right word, but whenever i watch a sporting event, i'm frequently stunned at how a sports man, or woman, comes back after a serious injury. Nikki Lauda, Thomas Muster, Djibril Cissé and hopefully Philippe Massa are all excellent examples.

What is the biggest lie/falsehood we are led to believe - Anything to do with religion ... that there are 'Just' wars ... that women come from Venus and men from Mars ... that carrots help you see in the night ... that eating spinach gives you muscles and puts hair on your chest :D

Back to the grind

I managed to scoot away early on Friday, leaving Capt'n Fluffy on the bridge of the starship WorldCorp ...

He pretty much knows where i am with my clients and is up to speed with how i do things : listen attentively to the 'problem', think for two seconds, then come up with the best adapted solution *paffff* as if by magic ...

Never, ever, play at being a marchand de tapis

On friday then, one of the clients that i'm in the middle of developping, called, looking to train twenty-odd people... the Fluffster was 'on the case', but just couldn't come out with the right answer (at least he did have the wherewithall to say 'wait until monday') which meant that i had a bit of 'splainin' to do today

On a (much) brighter note, one of my trainees gave me a chocolate cake, made with her own hands as a thank you for helping her get through her selection process and finding a new job.


More people like that please !!

Stone Roses - Fools Gold

The beautiful weather is still holding out - to think that autumn has officialy started and yet we're still hitting the mid twenties in the afternoons in Paname

I really hope it lasts through to the weekend

I scraped through, just in time, with the call to tender which i've been slogging over for the last week or so (fingers, toes and legs crossed for the outcome)

So although i can see some light, i'm now playing catch up with other, sometimes irate, clients that i've had to ignore these past few days

Not to mention Marge who keeps hastling me about my nonpayers ...

Aaaand Fluffy who's having to do some real work, without any input from the absent BoyIdiot

*The joy of six ....

Childrens' t.v programs

Like most people who grew up in the U.K in the seventies, i have happy memories of winters being suitably bitingly cold, a respectable layer of snow on the ground,the school heating system breaking down (and two weeks extra holiday thrown in to boot, yoo hooo) sledges made from whatever bits of detrius lying around, interminable snowball fights, chill blained feet and false doses of impetigo spreading around the school yard quicker than ... well ... rumors about Anne-Marie's spontaneously combusting keks

The summer, though, has even fonder, rosier, memories of water fights, scrumping apples from the vicar's orchard, hide 'n' seek where the first one to betray his hiding place was rewarded with a quick slap and general ridicule for being so wimpishly easy to find (the last one discovered,however, would be rewarded with a snog from the aforementioned Anne-Marie of Loosekekingham)

Another highlight for the prepubescent was the arrival of the annual trouncing by the aussies at our national sport. This was always heralded by the emblematic theme tune to Test match Special

Not by any means a childrens program i grant, but to see grown men reduced to tears by the inadequacy of the national team was a leveller; right up until the Botham barnstorm at the end of the seventies, that is.

Despite the 'Cider with Rosie' idyll, there were evidently periods of dull grey wetness in june, july and, habitually, august where there was no cricket, no ice cream van, no trip to the beach, not the slightest glimpse of Mrs Glassman sunbathing in the nuddy in the back garden ... sometimes (often) all we had to watch was the offering of childrens tv to pass the time

The staple fodder was the sometimes double entendred Blue Peter , with John Noakes (who'd get dobbed in for doing arsebruisingly stoopid things to the amusement of all except for he), Valerie Singleton and the other, long haired bloke with his dog that you wouldn't leave alone for ten minutes with your best mate's sister ...

Nah nah nah,kiddies daytime t.v was les masochistic, more wholesome (for the most part) .. but sometimes a bit .. subversive or anarchic

Evidently, one of the first 'rainy day' programs for kids that springs to mind is anything with Rolf Harris : a guy who still, to this day, wants kids to discover 'art'.A bit bonkers to some, maybe, but a 'real' artist who showed kids the way to get involved "Can you see what it is yet ?"

Take Hart is a good example of another artisty guy who'd try to 'awaken' kids. The highlight, morph, was the plastecene man whose onomatapaeïc sounds could be understood by the most backwards of kids in the neighbourhood (yours truly)

I didn't realise this, but Bagpuss has since become a cult figure. The mice (we will wash it, we will scrub it ...), Madeleine the bimbo doll, Gabriel the groovy toad and professor Yatel (the miserable, negative old git) ... luv it luv it luv it

Captain Pugwash :questions are still asked as to whether or not Seaman Stains and Master Bates really existed as crew 'members' on the Painted Pig. Never-the-less, and once again, double entendres abound for those with a trained ear to hear and a tainted spirit to see ...

*An idea happily lifted from the Guardian website

Ad-tistique license

Last week's chill has finally passed over us, summer is still hanging on for grim death by it's toe nails and BoyIdiot has disappeared for his annual two week food orgy/retreat to franciscan monestary/hermitage under the duvet

All is right with the world, then ... kind of

Marge is on my back for unpaid customer bills (she gets an end of year bonus based on how muche we're not owed by people)

Aaaaaand i've been dumped an offer to tender by a departement in the french governement

It's not as though it's something i can't possibly do, but the french administration being how it is, everything is all unfeasibly long winded, very demanding and increadibly precise

So precise is the demand that i've had to ask for h.e.l.p

There's no point asking Fluffy for anything as he'll just pass the ball along to someone who 'knows'

He who 'knows 'is out of the country and he who sort of knows 'a wee bit' is ... well ... an ineffectual clown

To whit his first question to me was :
"how important is this contract ?"
"heuuu .. 100K€ 'important'"
"Oh, right, let me see ... i'll mail you something"
*How in the hell do these people get promoted ?*

The upshot is that i've got until this Thursday to invent/tie something together that's remotely plausible and doable, get it sent by e-mail and by snail mail

The post office goes on strike tomorrow...

So then, a particularly crappy week has finally crpped it's self out

A craphole of a week because of a very near (real life) diplomatic incident between WorldCorp, and a real life prince with very long arms, various embassies and ... yours truly bang in the middle of it all

A shitbag of a week because an increadibly heavy work load has meant that i've been getting home too late in the evenings to grab even a baguette - the boulongeries are all closed :'(

A very heavy workload thanks to lazy bastard BoyIdiot

A little bird told me yesterday why he's been on a go slower, work to rule type jag :

A while ago, BI asked Fluffy (the boss) for three weeks holiday, starting from the week before last.

Fluffy crossed his arms and did an unusual thing : he took a managerial decision !

He said 'No'

BI re-did his holiday chit

Fluffy held fast and said : 'Nope, not three weeks but two - you don't have kids or family to worry about'

Which given that Fluffy has just got back from a three week beano with his bloke to the states, and Marge has also just back from a four week sabatical in the South, is all a bit ... iffy

Anyhow, BI ends up with two weeks off, starting as of next monday

Apparently, he told this little birdie, who then relayed it on to me that BI just thought, 'fuck it, it's gonna be just as if i wasn't around' and promptly downed tools and decided to spend his days counting his fingers

He has done absolutely fuck-all for five days

The words "space" and "waste of" keep springing into my head

Blague du jour

A little girl, aged six or seven years old, goes to speak to her mother:
"Mommy, where did the first mommy and daddy come from ?"

Her mother thinks for a while, then says:
"Weeeelll .. a long time ago, god decided that the earth he'd just created needed to be looked after. He made Adam and Eve to take care of things for him: they were the first ever parentts !"

A little while later, the little girl goes to see her father to find out what he thinks about the subject:
"Daddy, where did the first ever parents come from ?"

Her father stops to think ... then says:
"Weellll ...a long, long time ago, there were monkeys who lived on the planet, there were mummy monkeys, daddy monkeys, grandad monkeys, even grandma monkeys and, of course, little baby monkeys. As the temperature grew hotter, so the monkeys lost their fur ... and as time went by, the monkeys changed : they evolved to become human, like you and me. So, you could say that the first parents were monkeys!"

"Hmmm," said the little girl with her forehead creased into a frown.

At the dinner table that night, the little girl didn't seem very hungry; she spent the entire time pushing her food around her plate ...

"What's the matter honey," asked her mother "aren't you feeling very well ?"

The girl looked up and said:

"Why did you lie to me ?"

"What !?!", cried her parents in unison

"Mommy, you told me that the first parents on earth were Adam and Eve, whilst you, daddy, told me that we all come from monkeys !!"

"Ohhh sweetie, " said her mother, "i was only telling you about my side of the family"

Ad-tistique license

I'm well aware that BoyIdiot, for all of his faults, can sometimes be the laziest of lazy bastards to have ever lived

Even so, this week he has really upped the anté big time and taken the idea of absolute nothingness to somewhere where even Lao Tzu wouldn't be wanting to go

The telephones could be ringing themselves into a frenzy, WorldCorp could be going up in flames or a troop of Playmates, wearing nothing other than gummy smiles, could come charging through the corridor ... whatever ... the IdiotOne would still be standing by the coffee machine, nursing his goblet of ice tea

Evidently and to no avail, i've made remarks about being the only monkey in the place, shaking the tree and picking up nuts ...

He's of on his hols as from next week - probably to stay at home and watch was happening on his ceiling

I'm very seriously, really seriously, thinking about hiding half a kilo of raw prawns somewhere behind his filing cabinet ...