Lame joke spotte sorry :p

A Duck walks into a hardware store and asks if they have any grapes
The guy behind the counter says no.
The duck leaves but comes back the next day and asks :
"Do you have any grapes today?"
The guy behind the counter says :
"I told you yesterday we don't have grapes here, if you come back and ask me that again, I'm gonna staple your feet to the floor!"
The duck comes back the next day and asks,:
"Do you have any staples?"
The guy says "no"
The duck says,:
"good, you got any grapes?"
______________________________________
A salesman knocks at a front door, and it confronted by a 5 year old boy holding a half full glass of scotch and smoking a cigar.
The salesman says :
"Son, are your parents home?"
Kid says :
"What the fuck do you think?
______________________________________
A guy goes to see his doctor :
"Doc, I'm having trouble sleeping. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a month!"
"Well, what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks.
"It's these dreams, Doc," the guy says.
"Every night, over and over, it's the same thing. First I'm a wigwam. Then, I'm a tipi. Then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a tipi. I keeps going back and forth like this, night after night, all night long. What does it mean?"
"It's simple!" the doctor says with a smile. "You're just two tents!"
______________________________________

A guy is sitting at a bar, having a quiet drink when another guy sits down next to him with a suitcase

He puts the suitcase on the bar, opens it, and pulls out a miniature grand piano, a small piano bench and a little guy all of two feet tall, dressed in a tuxedo with tails who then sits down and starts playing

People start clustering around and throw money into the suitcase lid as a sign of appreciation

Towards the end of the night, the first guy asks the 2nd guy how he got hold of the little guy

"Well, I found a lamp with a genie trapped in it, i let him out and as a show of gratitude, he granted me a wish"

"Bullshit" says the first man

"Here's the lamp!" exclaims the second, and thrusts an oil lamp to the first guy "Here, take it, i've had my wish and the genie won't talk to me anymore"

The first man looks skeptically at the lamp

"Just be sure to really articulate when you make your wish ... the genie must be getting on in years"

"Why do you say that?" asks the first guy

"Do you honestly think that i wished for a 12-inch pianist?"

______________________________________