The joy of six .... alternative forms of amusement (I)

Where do i begin with what will probably turn out to be my méa culpa for sins past ?

-Sticking straws up a frog's bum, then blowing really hard until a satisfying stickily explosion of gore ensues ?

-Tying fireworks to a puppy dog's tail and watching the poor pooch desperately scrambling of into the deepest dark of an uncharitable winters' night before it becomes at one with the stratosphere ?

-How about if i said : 'There's nothing better at the crack of dawn than the chorus of a squirming hessian sack, sumptiously filled with helpless, mewling kittens, on their way to meet their maker at the bottom of an old well ?

Hmm ....

I have to confess, ô faithfull (all be-it intermittant) reader of one, that these barbaric acts are only the fruit of my ill-conceived trawlings through the lower nether regions of the british tabloïd press

My own (mis)doings were inches short of a borstal demanding nature

To whit, then, i stand before thee, moistened of eye and head bowed in shame, accused of:

Scrumping apples and pears and plums and radishes and brussell sprouts and potatoes ... all willfully and knowingly taken from the local vicar's garden 10 avé marias duly said :$

But why in heavens STEAL from the parish vicar, one might ask.

Poverty ?
A shameful lack of fresh fruit and veg at home ?
A burning need to defy the church and it's emissaries ?

Well, actually

No !

The reply is a bit more prosaic: my friends and i had this game, a game called 'burn off' where we had to circle each other on our bikes (all categories included : BMX's, racers's, Tomahawks, Lola's etc) and force an opponent to put one foot on the ground

After a while we all became aces at this little lark and so decided to incorporate 'aids' into the 'making-the-other-fall-off' part of the festivities
Sure, we started off small time with tennis balls, lobbed at the head of the other, eventually footballs were allowed as long as long as only the body was aimed for, mud bombs were also allowed (after much consultation between 'clans')

*Batons, tennis rackets and cricket bats being adjudged as to being un-sportsman like

Subsequently, after accords being signed in blood, we started to play 'Death burn off' or Roller ball for kids, if you prefer

It was the same as normal burn off but with the added thrill of trying to maim and injure your neighbourhood 'friend' with stolen (rock hard) root vegetables

Hence the raid into the said priest's un-protected garden of free-for-all