Jokes du jour

Betty-Mae passed away and Jake-Boy called 911. The 911 operator told Jake-Boy that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Jake-Boy replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Jake-Boy said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"


An Israeli doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have both of them looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says "You guys are way behind, we took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for 6 months, and the half the country was looking for work."


A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women."


A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, anywhere -- your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me." The bloke raises his eyebrows and says, "No shit, what law firm do you work for?"