Wow

I really thought i was gonna get whacked by a mad woman tonight. (ö_

Seriously baaaaaaaaaaad karma stuff.

Summary : car badly parked + anally retentive neighbour + the occasion for me to add 1 trillion stress points to my life counter = Pas cool.

Terrible.

I was arriving home tonight when i saw some kind of kerfuffle in "the vicinty" of my car ... i'm a bit short short-sighted so, y'know ... as i was getting closer home i could see that, yup, there was some kind of action in the very close area of my v.e.h.i.c.l.e.

I could make out a bit of a dispute between a woman and a youngish bloke in a blue shirt, black trousers and tie get-up ... i shouldda known, i knowwwww ... i stopped to look, in a neighbourly but nosy kinda way, as you do, when blokey says : "C'est a vous cette voiture, m'sieur ...?"

I shouldn't've done, moved or said anything.

Instead, i kinda shrugged and hesitated and said "Heuuuuuuuummmmmouuuiiiiis peut-être".

D'ohhhhh !

"Vous avez cinq minutes m'sieur, sinon .. c'est la fourrière" (move yo' ass or it's the carpound)

pffffffffffffffffft


That stuff was o.k ....

But what came next was quite astounding :

So, i acknowledged missusvisiblyexcessivelybrownedoff woman with a minimum of courtesy and went to open the passenger door ... don't ask; because ...

I really don't remember how this woman looked or anything ... all i can say. is. that. she. was. angry. ... ready to angrily do angry 'things' to people and/or/avec objects .... the incarnation sur terre of divine furious rage and retribution....

That degree of annoyance...

you could see it in 'er eyes, you could ....i hope she din't work with sharp stuff, for her collegues' sakes ...


Any how, she'd parked herself between 'n' me motor and as i approached she started TALKING VERY loudly "t'es content, hein ?" "t'es super fier de toi, hien ?" "enfoiréeeuuuhhh"... Not too cool for a reception.

It got to a point where i realised that whatever i said would be = to a slap in the chops.

I carried on to the passenger side, then to the boot to get the cat litter. Whereupon i turned to her and said "je me tire toute de suite, madame ne vous .... " ... " fils de puuuute enculé ééééééééééé" .. my ears are still burning, even now........

As i was making to open the drivers side door she decided to hold it open - Broken fingers or legs there for me, i'm thinkng :/

As i'm foolishly getting into the car, i'm thinking : how 'n' the hell can i rightly react to getting a slap round the kisser or punched up the duff ?

*gulp*

How'm i gonna explain the fat lip at work : "i got pumffed", "i got ffwaked in tha heed by a ffoobal" ?

*aieee*

Given the circumstances.

*gulp**gulp*

Finally i just kinda nodded to her arm and said something like: "bahhhnsivouznebougezpasvotrebrasoniranullepart quoi"

Finally i got in, started to pull away and there she was; hammering on the roof, the windows, the boot .... so i squished her with a bit if window cleaner from the reserve :) .. not big and not clever, i know ..

She lives, like three or four houses away, on the same street so i'm a bit dreading the reprisals - i say that, having seen this woman for the first time, but to judge by tonights perf i can only imagine the pire.