Très classe ..

After several years of marriage, a young woman is feeling completely ignored by her husband : she's an excellent hostess to his business acquaintances, looks after the house, she walks the dogs .. she could be a wonderful mother, but ... y'know, he's just not 'up to it' ...

One day, out of sheer frustration, she decides to go to a sex boutique.

Not quite knowing what to choose, she asks for help from an assistant ....

The young and exceedingly helpful assistant analyses the situation and explains to her that what she really really needs is the Pickled Penis !!!!!!!!!

(Vibrators are sooooooooooo passé)

The salesgirl proudly presents the young woman with a bubbling jar containing what can best be described as a flesh coloured monster gherkin.

"Our product has been on the market for five years, has a three year warranty and, above all, has the blessings of his altesse, the supreme Tahitian voodoo master : Tabeeteh Trogrond ... it never ever fails to accomplish its work ! ... we have never, ever, seen a client return the merchandise. All of our clients have been utterly satisfied by it's magical powers. *I have it on good authority that even the first lady has one on her dresser* !!! "

"OK .OK .. but i don't understand, how does it work ? ", says our heroine.

"Before i start .. do you have children in the house ? Elderly parents nearby ? A sound proofed room ? "

" errrrrrrrrrr .. no, no, yes ..."

"Good ... this is what you do ......... " she proceeds to whisper the instructions.

Much impressed by the prowess of the aformentioned toy, our heroine parts with her $500 and proceeds home, whereupon she places the jar in the refrigerator.

Everyday she prepares the dinner, attends the household chores and awaits her husbands next trip ... all the time excitedly anticipating her 'experiment'.

Finally her man goes away for the weekend 'on business'.

As soon as he leaves home one friday morning, she sets out the jar on the dresser as instructed, unscrews the lid, sets out the scented candles, puts on some music and proceeds to have a long bath, all the while sipping a glass or two of nice wine.

The moment arrives.

She's in the mood.

She lies down down on the bed, completely naked and proclaims in a solenm voice :

"Pickled Penis my pussy"

At which point, the pickled organ takes on a life of it's own and does what it's been programmed to do ...
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After a few hours, our heroine, who can't believe what's happened, decides to have another go ....

"Pickled penis My ....."
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The hours fly by, she has never known anything like this before ..
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"Pickled Penis ........"
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"Pickled ...."


Finally, what had to happen, happens - the pickled penis becomes stuck. Inside her. Impossible to move it. It just won't budge an inch.

She becomes very worried and more so about the explication that she'll have to give to the emergency services.

After an interminable wait at the ER (with this thing still in place) she's finally seen by a doctor.


"Good evening, what seems to be the matter ? " says he.

She explains to him, in candid detail, her problem.

The doctor, who sceptically at first, finally guffaws "pickled penis ... hahahahah"

- it shrivels up and falls out -

"pickled penis ... bwouahhahahahahaha", he laughs out loud at such an outlandish story

- it springs awake -

"pickled penis my assSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE"

:D