Joke spot

Another joke from the inbox

A man goes to a shrink and says :

"Doctor, my beautiful, sexy, young wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she goes to bed with anybody who asks her ! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do ?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar ?"

Central park ..

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York.

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull terrier.

He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"

The man says: - "But I'm not a New Yorker!"

"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: " Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man.

"Oh, what are you then?" The man says: - "I am a Pakistani!"

The next day the newspapers says:

"Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"


Girls reaction to penis sizes:

9'' - oh shit pain!
7'' - oh yes, yum!
6'' - oh perfect!
5'' - mmm ok!
4'' - push more
3'' - is it in?#
2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue.

Women & men

Women are unpredictable:
Before marriage, she expects a man.
After marriage, she suspects her man.
After his death, she respects him.

Why are married men fatter than single ones?
Singles come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married men come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.

A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent.
The doc asks "how 300%?"
She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."


All couples have different phases of sex life:

Age 20 - Day and Night
Age 28 - Every Night
Age 38 - Fri Night
Age 48 - Once a month
Age 58 - only feelings


Latest statistics on what men do after SEX???

2% eat
3% smoke cigarettes
4% take a shower
5% go to sleep
86% get up and go back home to their wife..

Newtons dick

What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman? "Fuck you
and your law of gravity, I'm going UP."

Passion

"What is common between a passionate kiss and a spider? "Both lead to the undoing of the fly".


Policeman arrested a prostitute.

Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"

"Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo" !

Pets

What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog? "After a
year, the dog is still excited to see you."


Meanwhile back in the garden of eden ...

Eve: "Adam, do you love me?"
Adam: "No, I don't."
Eve (crying): "Then why did you make love to me?"
Adam: "Hello!!! As if I had otherchoices.."