A joke a day

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic!"

"OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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Michael Jackson's wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy.

However, Jacko's concerned.

Taking his wife's hand, he asks...

"Doc, how long before we have sex...?"

"Jesus Mike...!" exclaims the doctor, "...I think it's best you leave it until he's at least started walking..."
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Bloke phones up a Chinese Take Away.

"Alright mate, do you deliver...?"

"No sir, only chicken, beef and pork..."
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Woman comes back from her husbands cremation with his urn and places it on the table.

She twirls round in front of him and say: Hey Joe remember that fur coat you wouldn't give me - well here it is

And remember that diamond rign you wouldn't give me - well here it is.

Then she picks up some of his ashes in her palm and says - And remember that blow job I wouldn't give you? Well this is it.....