A joke or two to pass the time

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there ?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers... "I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk."
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A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles whilst taking a bath.

"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"No son, not yet," she replied.
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A bear, a lion and a chicken are sitting talking about who is the toughest.
The bear says, "when I bellow the whole forest trembles with fear"

The lion says, "when I roar the whole jungle shakes with fear"

The chicken says, "when I sneeze the whole world craps itself"
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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug .... Do you want a room with or without a view ?"
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Prince Charles was driving around the Windsor Castle estate when he accidentally ran over his mother's favourite corgi, crushing it to a pulp.

He gets out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass, totally distraught. The whole world was against him anyway, and now his mother would go ballistic.

Suddenly, he noticed an old oil lamp half buried in the ground.
He dug it up, started cleaning it up, and immediately a genie appeared.

"You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the genie. "As a reward, I shall grant you one wish."

"Well," said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog.

"Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the Prince asked.

The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head.

"This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"

The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos.

"I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana," said Charles, showing the genie the first photo.

"But now I love this woman named Camilla," and he showed the second photo to the genie.

"You can see that Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"

The genie studied the two photographs and, after a few minutes, said, "Let's have another look at that dog."