Blagues du jour (II)

As classy and delicate as ever :p


Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can. What do you call a dog with no tongue? Smelly balls

2 lions eating a clown. One turns to the other and says 'does this taste funny to you?'

Little girl lost & upset in a mall 'cos she's lost her mummy. Security guy: 'Dont worry, we'll soon find her. What's she like?' Girl: 'Big dicks & vodka!'

A lion, a bear and a chicken are arguing over who is the hardest. "When I bellow the whole forest trembles" says the bear. "When I roar the whole jungle shakes" says the lion. "When I sneeze the world shits itself" says the chicken.

Two men shopping in IKEA. One says to the other, "can you help me, I've lost me wife?" The other guy says, "me too! So what does she look like?" The guy says. "she's Swedish, got long blonde hair, big boobs and is wearing a Burberry top and a miniskirt. What about your wife pal?" So the guy replies, "fuck my wife, I'm looking for yours."

Three best friends enjoy going out getting drunk whenever they can. One night they decide to have a competition to see who gets the most drunk. So they go out that night and meet up the next day.

First guy says "I think I was the most drunk last night, as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks!"

Second guy says" No I was more drunk than that. I got in my car last night and wrapped it round the first tree I saw, and I don't even have any insurance!"

Third guy says, "I can beat that, I got home last night had a huge fight with my wife, knocked a candle over and burnt the house down, and I have no insurance either!"

Second guy nods and says, "Yep that's worse than mine, you win."

First guy says, "No guys you don't get it, Chunks is my dog!"

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

"American beer is like making love in a canoe: Fucking close to water". From "Monty Python live at Hollywood Bowl".

What does Michael Jackson and a PS2 have in common? They are both plastic and get turned on by little boys.

A brunette is on a train to London and she keeps chanting 42,42,42 and this blonde girlwalks on and asks "can I join you?" The brunette says "yes of course."

So they are chanting and suddenly the train stops for the next passenger and the brunette pushes the bonde off killing her and the train starts again and she chants 43,43,43.

A woman and her bloke goes to the doctors and the doctor checks the guy over and takes his wife into his office and he says "don't let him do hard jobs, don't let him clean, or cook and let him watch plenty of soccer. Let him show off in front off his friends. Let him flirt with your friends and he'll be right as rain".

As they walk out the man asks, "what did he say?" and his wife replies "you're gonna die".