Two seasonal jokes, as classy as ever;@)

J.C is on the cross and starts to cry out to one of his disciples

"Peter ... Peter ....Peteeeeerrrr"

Peter pushes his way to the front of the crowd and makes his way up the hill, only to be roughly shoved away by the guards.

"Peteeeer ... Peeeeter ... Peee ...."

J.C's voice is getting weaker and weaker, so, Peter gets up again, dusts himself down and charges back - the guards beat him to a pulp and dump him, in an untidy heap, at the bottom of the hill

"Peeeeeeeeeeteeeeeeeer ...."

Peter, on broken legs and arms, crawls slowly back up the hill leaving a trail of blood and hair and teeth as he goes - this time though, the astonished guards take pity on him and let him pass

"Yes my Lord, i'm here ..."

"Peeeeeteer ...."

J.C's voice is by now barely a whisper, so Peter drags himself upright ...

"What is it my lord, i can hear you"

"Peeteeer ..... i can see your house from here"
__________________

J.C is on the cross and starts to cry out to Mary

"Mother ... mother ...."

Mary makes her way to the front of the crowd and is ushered to the cross by the guards.

"Mother ... mother...."

"Yes my son, i'm here, what is it ..."

"Mother .... save me ... save me ... save me an egg, i'll be back on Sunday"