Famous quotes

George Burns :

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I'll tell you: a paternity suit

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

At my age flowers scare me

W.C Fields :

I drink therefore I am

I never drink water, fish fuck in it.

A woman drove me to drink - and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her.

Frank Sinatra :

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day.

Lucille Ball :

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.

Homer Simpson:

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal:
You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"