An englishman in Paris

lundi, juin 30, 2008

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I'm no creature of habit (perish the thought) but i'm struck at times as to how we can become accustomed to doing certain things and how we allow ourselves to be lulled

I love swanning aimlessly around the capital on a hot and heady Sunday afternoon, coming across the street acts, listening to the modern day troubadours and checking out the sexy, sashaying young chicks ... rounding off the afternoon quietly sipping on a well earned cold drink whilst ruminating and watching the rest of the world going about it's business ... always at the same café ... always at the same table

Simple pleasures ...

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I don't know about you, o' faithful solitary reader of one, but whenever i bump into people i have certain "precepts" that i respect ... *i know, i know ... 'tis all very "petit"*

Rule N°1 : You're/they're a hot ex flame

- A quick tongue job is perfectly and wholly acceptable/understandable in any circumstance .. end of story

Rule N°2 : Colleagues/clients that you know slightly

- A very brief ''Hey, how're you?!'' accompanied with a slight inclination of the head, a smile, a wink and some form of hand wave or hand jive will suffice in any circumstance ... do not, under any condition, stop to make pitiful small talk

Rule N° 3 : Someone that you've not seen for a while, but who emits pleasurable overtones at bumping into you

- A manly handshake and a quick 'mwouah' is highly acceptable, or even encouraged ...make as much small talk as you wish .. invite them out to dinner (you may even go so far as making an indecent proposal to their partner if you wish to do so)

Rule N° 4 : You know that the last person on earth someone wishes to bump into is YOU of all people

- You've seen 'them' and they've not seen you. In this tricky situation, you should slink across the street and make yourself invisble.- Do not open your mouth. Do not say a word and above all, do not try to appear, as if by magic, and ingratiate yourself into what may turn out to be highly personal conversation

I think we all know a BoyIdiot who doesn't know rule N°4

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jeudi, juin 26, 2008

Amy Winehouse - Love Is a losing game

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mercredi, juin 25, 2008

A quick recap

To make the most of my litte jaunt to Brittany ten days ago, i took two days off from work - as it is, any time i take off tends to leave me with a heap of stuff to do when i get back

As a consequence, last week i was out on client calls Monday, Tuesday and Thursday (my job is supposed to be 'sedentary') ... being out always means more stuff piling up in a kind of snowball stylieee ... all of which in turn has meant that i've had to work until late and has led down the unwanted path of métro, boulot, dodo

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And .. s'not finished : from somewhere i've managed to pick up bit of a nasty stomache bug (nauseousness, sweats etc etc)

To cap things all off, my ex sent me a mél saying that she'd found my tax return form ... and that i had until last night to complete it on-line (!!!)

Not much time to be had in the fun and japes stakes for yours truly

Having said all that, i've thoroughly enjoyed the yurpeeen football championship and as i write, i'm soooo rooting for the Tukish side make it through to the finals - but as we all know, football is a game of two teams of eleven players, who play each other over 90 minutes ... and the game is invariably won by a German side :@/

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lundi, juin 16, 2008


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On arriving back at Montparnasse last night, i was struck by the contrast between the every day politeness of all things 'country' where people take the time to say 'Hello' (or even 'Bonjour' if you're a stickler for details) and the general big-city indifference of living in a beehive

More than that, it's a question of ... i dunno .. noise ... low level, humming, semi-subconscious, unremittant, 'noise' that we all accept as being 'normal' and acceptable

I really couldn't help but wondering how on earth do we put up with this non stop wall of ambient, man made, and un-necessary sound ... the general feeling of being assaulted by the passive aggression attitudes to which we ( i've) become accustomed

There are days when i can hear the dawn chourus from the park opposite where i live which remind me of a younger and what seems like a forgotten life for which i yearn to return

(attention, on dirait que les blues de minnuit me guettent)

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dimanche, juin 15, 2008

Cheers Balaj
;@)

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There are times when i really need to switch off or just get away from it all and it's been an age since i've been able to/allowed myself to do so - in this case, circumstances have played my hand somewhat

These periods are all the more enjoyable when one can do so in good company - quality time over quantity, if you wish

I've just got back from an all to brief a visit to one of the many regions that i'm unfamiliar with : Bretagne .. a land of stone obelisks, legends, screetchy music, an undeciferable language and where all food stuffs seem to be 1000% made from butter ... oh yeah, and cool landscapes too ;@)

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Rochefort-en-terre

In the twelfth, century the hill town of Rochefort-en-terre was a relatively well to do canton, surviving as it did, due to the patronage of the highly placed administrators, the rich bourgoisie and seigneurs all vying for power and influence in the region


At the end of the first french regime, however, the town went through a long period of decline which even it's sole source of income, slate selling, failed to halt


Coupled with the inability of the old town to adapt, it's mistrustfulness towards the changing times and the lack, quite simply, of any ressources to modernise itself over the last two centuries, the town has remained firmly locked in the time capsule of it's heyday


The narrow streets tightly hugging the ancient stone and slate houses, all neatly lined up and in some cases stuck next to each other are all still marvelously intact which has led, unsurprisingly, to a boon in the local tourist industry







Notre Dame de La Tronchaye

At the start of the twelfth century as the powerful Rochefort fmilly took up residence at the top of the hill, a shepheard discovered an ancient statue of Mary the Virgin hidden in a hollwed out tree. According to popular tradition, the statue was hidden 200 years beforehand by a friar who was fearful of the Normand invasion.


Over the course of the century, a church was built on the site of the discovery but in the sixteenth century, it was partly demolished to be replaced by a church of a more gothic style

La forteresse des Rochefort

After the victory of the King of France over the Bretons, he orderd the destruction of the fortresses in the region.


Rebuilt by Guyonne La Folle, the chateau was again destroyed in 1594, victim of the religious wars. Then, for a third and last time the fortress was completely destroyed in 1793 by the republican army - following an uprising it had been occupied by the paysans who were hostile to the ongoing conscription


Today, the only remaining vestiges of the symbol of the power and the richess of the seigneurs Rochefort, is the fortified wall which surround the spur of the hill

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vendredi, juin 13, 2008

Given that i work for a cheapskate company that refuses to pay for any left-over and untaken holiday time, i find that i'm in the somewhat difficult position of having to block off six days over two weeks : thursday, friday and saturday

Yup, i really do work for a bunch of capitalist scumbags :'(

To celebrate the end of this three day week, i'm off to discover Balajland

Cheerio !!

jeudi, juin 12, 2008

Amy Winehouse -Tears dry on their own

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mercredi, juin 11, 2008

I had to go out to see a new potential client this morning where everything was ever so hush-hush because no one wanted to acknowledge that the head honcho was loosing business with his american investors

'He speaks very well english but is not able to getting the big deals' (sic)

I arrived on site, met up with the main man : i have the distinct impression that the guy could be an absolute and utter skank head drug fiend - never, in the history man, have so many things, passed through such an un-predisposed collapsed septum of a nose

Anyway, i did the biz and got things 'lined up' for a course that will give him tips about about negotiations and coming accross better whilst speaking in public

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His assistant escorted me down to the lobby and during the time it took to go down the twenty floors, she proceeded to regale me with her 'effuse affection' for dear old Blighty, all things english and english blokes especially ...

As we arrived at the tenth floor, the lift stalled and blocked

ooeeer, i thought

'Alix' sighed, "This always happens" she said

We waited, with me wracking by brains for something to say or a non 'adult' joke to tell

Then it came to me in a flash : there are times where thirty second rencontre could be a gateway to a lifetime of hapiness or an access of unpure wanton lust ......................

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mardi, juin 10, 2008

Fruit art

Click on the images to see them in their 'full glory' on a new page




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Quotes

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Unknown

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lundi, juin 09, 2008

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Doh !

The European footy fest got underway on Saturday.

So far, we've been treated to five matches which have had no 'zing' what-so-ever about them (except maybe for the Portugal match)

Tonight, France took on Romania where they had huge problems getting the ball to move around quickly and any attacking moves quickly petered out into frustrating nothingness *crotteuhh*

My gut feeling is that it's probably down to the heat as the coach took the team for a training beano in Outer-Siberia (the tournament is being held in 'the mountains'), only to find the team playing in cardiac inducing heatwave condtitions

Tonight's Holland V Italy match might hopefully spark things up

On the work front: i'm going to be out and about every day this week and for most of next week which inevitably means that i'll be getting home late, washed out and irritable

BoyIdiot has had his beaten up puppy face on today - it's the first time that he's seen MissusBossWoman since she announced that she'd be moving on to better paid pastures, not green ones mind, but those of a healthy, moskovite rouge colour

He's also coming to terms with the idea that the various objects of his unreturned and unwanted affections (notably BeauCul and Enola) will also be shipping out soon

Methinks i'd better hide the sharpened knives, scissors and other pointy objects from the staff room : his black, rancid blood melting the cold granite floor has the potential to put off prospective clients a wee bit ... and would probably put a bit of a downer on things *quoi que ...*

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jeudi, juin 05, 2008

Amy Winehouse -You Know I'm No Good

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mercredi, juin 04, 2008

Even though the word's been spreading around that MissusBossWoman is leaving us, nobody's saying anything

Everything's being 'said' with a nudge, a wink and oblique statements about who's who in WorldCompany, who are the backstabbing bastards that you wouldn't trust as far as you could spit 'em and who were the 'good eggs' that we all miss ...

The law of three seems to be the name of the game too, for the trainer that i call BeauCul has also announced that she'll be leaving us after the summer

The latest one to throw her hand in is Enola

BoyIdiot will be crying himself to sleep for nights on end once he's scuttled back to the office and been given the update next monday

J- 3

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mardi, juin 03, 2008

Blague du jour - spécial Marseille

Ce sont 3 petites souris marseillaises assises autour d'une table au fond d'un grenier qui discutent le bout de gras.

Et la modestie n'est pas leur vertu cardinale.

La première affirme avec insolence

- Vous savez les tapettes dans lesquelles on nous attire avec un morceau de gruyère ? Eh bien moi j'ai réussi à en soulever les mâchoires et à prendre le fromage !

La deuxième, pour ne pas être en reste, enchaîne :

- Vous voyez les grains de blé empoisonnés qui traînent ça-et-là ? Eh bien moi je les grignote comme des biscuits à l'apéritif !

La troisième décide de s'en aller. Les autres souris :

- Ou vas-tu ? lui demandent-elles inquiètes

- Je rentre. C'est l'heure d'enculer le chat
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Un bateau est pris dans une violente tempête et coule.

Seul rescapé, un marin Marseillais, accroché à une planche, échoue sur une île déserte.

Heureusement il y a de l'eau douce, des fruits à profusion, et la mer est emplie de poissons, ce qui lui permet de survivre.

Le temps passe et au bout de plusieurs mois, un point grossit à l'horizon.

Un radeau apparaît. Il s'échoue sur la plage et une superbe naufragée débarque en s'écriant

- Oh Bonne Mère ! Quelle île !

Et le Marseillais s'exclame :

- Té ! Je rêve ! Une femme et en plus une Marseillaise ! Mademoiselle j'aimerais vous offrir un verre pour votre arrivée, mais je n'ai que de l'eau.

- C'est parfait, dit la fille, moi j'ai le pastis.

Elle sort de sa trousse de survie une bouteille de 51.

Le Marseillais est ébahi.

Il lui dit :

- Je m'excuse, je n'ai que des fruits pour l'accompagner.

- J'ai ce qu'il faut, dit la fille, en sortant des olives.

Le Marseillais est aux anges.

Quand ils ont terminé leur apéritif, la fille lui demande :

- Ca fait longtemps que vous n'avez pas vu une femme ?

- Pardi ! Six mois.

Alors elle se rapproche de lui et lui dit d'une voix douce :

- Ca vous plairait de tirer ?

Et le Marseillais extasié s'écrie :

- Oh putaing ! Ne me dites pas que vous avez aussi amené les boules !

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lundi, juin 02, 2008

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Some stats from today

N° of trainees who 'forgot' to start their course (but will have to pay anyway) : 2
N° of trainees booked-in by the planners to start their course a week early : 1
N° of stoopid trainees who didn't check their scheduling and did turn up : 3
N° of trainers pulling a good old 'monday morning sickie' : 4
N° of trainers leaving / thinking of leaving : 5

'Tis the monsoon season in Paris where rain and grim greyness seems to be the norm - we're in the month of June for crying out loud !

June is usually sin-nonny-mouse with short skimpy skirts, bare midrifs, long shapely legs and general bared skinnedness ... les Champs, my Champs, are supposed to become a minefield of little sexbombs

What happened to 'Tit Monday ?
Did i miss it ? Did it sneak up undetected on a Sunday evening, between midnight and sunrise ?

Grrrrrrrrr

*i know, i know, i'll go and flagellate myself later for blatent, unwarrented sexism*

Long faces, then, and a general air of bad tempered, tetchy poutyness to be seen everywhere as i went in to work on the steaming métro this morning - the summer hols are only eight weeks away, yet it's as if people can already sense autumn rearing it's ugly, snot riddled head over the horizon

On an entirely irrelevant note : for a long time now, i've had the gut feeling that MissusBossWoman would be leaving us for greener and better paid pastures (i'm much more intuititive than i let on)

Today she announced to us all that she'd be gone by the end of July at the latest

Her fawning lapdog, BoyIdiot, is on holiday this week ...

To end : LaGorgone has finally mis bas, spawned or hatched her sprog - at a healthy, medium-sized chicken weight of 3.5 kg and who will undoubtedly be henceforth known as Mephisto, Damien or perhaps even Lucifer ... the votes are open

Jour - 5

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The current mood of damiel at www.imood.com
damiel0000@yahoo.fr

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