Balajo's joke spotte ...

Courtesy of my own private joke machine :-)


Two old men sitting in a retirement home chatting:

"I'm full of aches and pains today, Alf. How do you feel?"

Alf replies, " Like a newborn baby, Fred"

"Really!" says Fred "A newborn baby?"

"Yep no hair, no teeth and I've just Shit myself".

_______________________

A welsh man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

He says "honey..this is the pig that I am humping when you are not around"....

His wife in bed looks up and says "honey, that's not a pig, it is a sheep"

The man says "I wasn't talking to you!"

________________________

A man visits his elderly father who is in an old people's home.

Son: "Do you like it here?"

Father: "It's OK"

Son: "What's the food like?"

Father: "Pretty good"

Son: "Are you sleeping OK at night?"

Father: "Yes, fine. At bedtime the matron gives me a glass of warm milk and a Viagra tablet"

Son: "You don't mean Viagra ... it must be a sleeping tablet"

Father: "No, it's definitely Viagra. It's written on the tablet"

On his way out the some sees the matron:

Son: "Has my father settled in OK?"

Matron: "Yes, he's fine"

Son: "I think he's a bit confused though. He said that at bedtime you give him a glass of warm milk and a Viagra tablet"

Matron: "Yes, that's right. The warm milk helps him to sleep and the Viagra tablet stops him rolling out of bed"

_________________________


"Can I have some Irish Sausages please?", asked Paddy.

The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?"

"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?Would Ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant says, "Well no".

"And", continued Paddy, "if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?!!

"Well, no, I probably wouldn't!"

So with self-indignation, the Irishman says, "Well, all right then! So why ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?!"

The Assistant replies, "Because you're in Homebase."

_________________________


Encore un peu de finesse dans ce magnifique blogue :

Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she'll swallow.

_________________________


Et le meilleur pour la fin :-))


Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.